A Mother's Spiritual Diary

Her early experiences

The life of grace is a ceaseless progress and so it was that Conchita's characteristic and personal aspect in her relations with the Divine Persons does not clearly appear at the beginning. Here is how she describes her early experiences:

"I had in some prayers some inexplicable points of knowledge of God (I do not know how to say it) in the Most Holy Trinity… To experience (I do not say to understand) what He is… A sort of rough draft of His so pure essence… in His Whole-Unity… in His eternal generation… in His attributes… immensity… bounty… justice… but all this, as it were, in an point, a point of interior light of an inexplicable sweetness, a sweetness not like that which comes from other prayers, but much more sublime and pure which brings out the soul or suspends it but with a clear knowledge of God who envelopes it, forgetting everything, even one's self.

"I suffer when I see certain paintings or representations of the Most Holy Trinity. Oh, that is not what I feel! God is light, purity, divine perfume, an array of beauty, the hearth of all perfection, peace and candor. He is love, love, love, incomprehensible, eternity apart from time, a point which enkindles and absorbs all, dazzling, majestic, and exceedingly sweet, which attracts everything and ever communicates itself… without ever diminishing its plenitude!

"Oh, how this eternity part from time is deeply imprinted on my heart! This God, God thrice holy, holy, holy, whom I do not understand but whom I experience, who will be able to say what He is, if even in heaven there is no language to explain it?

"To feel that makes me fear. But all at once, I feel myself immersed in this ocean of ravishing perfections, in this eternity of beauty and personal happiness! I see the three Divine Persons communicate to each other this eternal complacency which is ever produced (I would say this in explanation) and at each instant on contemplating ourselves… I feel or I see with my soul (I do not know how to express it) an eternal abyss of eternal perfections, ever new, in which the three Divine Persons rejoice. All Three have, the Lord tells me, the most pure joy of communication. They are three Persons but with one only divine substance, equal in might, wisdom, goodness and all other attributes! Oh, how immense God is: How good, how holy, how pure! He is Love, to that everything I can say comes back" (Diary, May 14, 1898).