A Mother's Spiritual Diary

Christ's Countenance

"Jesus told me: 'As I am in My Father, making Myself One with Him, so I want you truly to be One with Me.  I want you to be like a very clear mirror in which is reflected the image of Your Jesus Christ Crucified.  I want you to reflect Me in yourself, as I was on the Cross.  On your part, abandon yourself simply for receiving in you My image.  I want you to be as I am, crowned with thorns, scourged, nailed to the Cross in desolation, pierced, helpless… Meditate one by one on all these things and by my living portrait in order that My Father may find in you His complacency and pour out floods of grace upon sinners' " (Diary, April 6, 1895).

The years passed by. All the graces God grants her, especially the mystical incarnation, tend to operate in her the transformation in Christ Crucified:

"I must reproduce in me Christ Crucified" (Diary, Sept. 16, 1921).

This is what God is going to carry out in her during the last years of her life and above all at the moment of her death.  Physical and moral sufferings, illness, interior anguish, temptations against faith and hope, hours of abandonment will make her a reflection of the Crucified. Conchita consents to everything.  She recalls this total identification with the Crucified on Calvary.  She shares all the conditions of human flesh and old age but her soul is resplendent, more and more divine. "l am totally of Jesus! My body, my soul, my life, my sufferings, my time, may He dispose of all that is His, in full liberty, on behalf of priests" (Diary, Jan. 31, 1929).

After her last retreat at Morelia under her spiritual director, on "the perfect joy of suffering," Conchita returned to Mexico City, and spent the last three years of her life, now in bed, now in an armchair, undergoing atrocious physical suffering.  She was afflicted by bronchial-pneumonia, erysipelas and uremia.  She afflicted additional pain on her poor body, performing corporal penances out of her ardent love for Christ and for men.

In her soul there was a feeling of despair.  Her prayer sought refuge in Christ's words in Gethsemane.  She shared in the feelings of the Crucified, abandoned by His Father. For her, her Beloved Jesus has wholly disappeared.  "It is as if we had never known each other," she said again and again to her innermost self.  Two of her children, Ignacio and Salvador, each taking one of her arms, raised up their mother to ease her breathing.  "She might well have been said to be Christ in agony on the Cross."  There was even at the moment of death, a strange phenomenon to which her sons and Father Jose Guadalupe Trevino, M.Sp.S., have testified firmly.  The same testimony was also given by other witnesses.

The phenomenon took placed on the death of Conchita, imprinting on her, as the seal of God on her personal vocation and her mission for the Church, a concrete and amazing synthesis of the spirituality of the Cross. Conchita's appearance was seen to change: no longer was there the face of a woman but the Countenance of the Crucified.