A Mother's Spiritual Diary

A New Stage: Joy in Suffering

A second result, even more marvelous, produced in her spiritual life, was that of experiencing joy in suffering. Thus Christ Crucified enjoyed on the summit of His soul the Beatific Vision, at the same time by His physical and moral sufferings He was "the Man of Sorrows" (Is 53:3).

After the monogram, Conchita is flooded with graces and divine favors. She wants to be like Christ on the Cross. She has but one desire: "to sacrifice all for Him, with the greatest joy, for Him alone and out of pure love . . . would want to be an apostle, going about the world, proclaiming, manifesting and making known. Him who is Jesus!" (April-May 1894). 

She would give her life to bring Him "an atom of glory" (Aut. 2, 7). She lived "wholly in God and always in God" (Diary, April 2, 1894). She rendered an account to her director of this state of her soul: "I feel as if I were transported into another atmosphere... I can neither think nor move myself save in God, within God. In me, God is all within me and I am all in Him, in a sphere of light and divine things" (Diary, April-July 1894).

Now Conchita knows it by experience: the divine union is inseparable from suffering. To the measure she approaches Christ, the Cross rises higher and higher on the horizon. In her there takes place a profound confusion: "There are priceless moments during which I feel - a strange phenomenon - as it were a joy at the heart of suffering. My soul tastes of delights till then unknown. Without lessening in the least, pain takes on a feeling of suavity which engenders the act of abandonment to the divine will and happiness in pleasing Himů I have never felt like this. I have experienced today in my soul an extraordinary thing: union in suffering" (Diary, April 30, 1894).